Day 39

Last nights pain.

The pain doesn’t get any easier. Crying after FaceTiming with Gabriel and seeing tears in his ruse because he misses me. How much longer can I convince him just a few more sleeps. I know I’m getting cured and need to look at the big picture but it’s fair to say I’m traumatized and so is my sweet boy.

All I do is report to the hospital daily for treatment then rest and walk, rest and walk. They say I have to be well to leave. Nothing can get in my way. My heart is in pieces.

This is why I won’t talk on the phone now and I won’t have guests over until my 100 days are complete. I will risk nothing that could land me back here for not even a night. The pain in his eyes is more than a mother’s heart can handle. I have truly abandoned him but I know I had no choice.

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